Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You pole danced in your parka.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
