wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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