Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i drank out of a bidet.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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