we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
