Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
