omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
