Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
