Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
