I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
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and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How does one acquire holy water?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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