i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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