It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
