Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
