I think my vagina is haunted
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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