his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
