I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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