I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
