Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
