I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
