I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
tell me about the fingering
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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