Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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