You can't motorboat a personality
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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