nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
