Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I will pee on everything he values.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
