I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
