Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
