She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
