We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
