Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
