I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
