there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
