new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
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you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
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I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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