Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
