Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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