Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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