im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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