I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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