i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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