I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
