he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
