Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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