I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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