There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
