Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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