Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
