im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
