I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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