when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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