I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
