Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
