Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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