My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
