this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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