Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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