You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
