My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
