you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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