We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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