I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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