In the future we'll all be gay
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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