Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
