my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
