Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
