You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
