when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
