Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
how drunk are you?
Several
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
