What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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