Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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