Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
