It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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