dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
