Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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