I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
