Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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