Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
