why im i the only drunk person in the library?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
