don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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