Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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