Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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