Pants 0. Shit 1.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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