i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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