I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize