hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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