Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
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My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
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I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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